quotematic

Aug
13th

Wed

a giant inflatable dog turd brought down a power line after being blown away from a swiss museum

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Aug
8th

Fri

transmissions from earth could draw the attention of malevolent aliens

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Aug
7th

Thu

i’ve never found anything like this in ten years of digging up people’s gardens

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Aug
6th

Wed

“Any [soyuz] landing you can crawl away from is a good one, I guess.”

“Obviously it wasn’t totally nominal.”

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they were completely stuck and unable to lift themselves out; the horse was also very distressed

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Aug
5th

Tue

at the end of the day it is up to each individual officer to decide whether she will go for the latest bullet-proof lingerie

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Aug
4th

Mon

the earth is flat and horizontally infinite and at least 9,000 kilometres deep

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Aug
2nd

Sat

it would have been a difficult situation because you can’t know how the sheep is going to behave in those circumstances and obviously it took the wrong course of action

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Aug
1st

Fri

it’s just going to get funnier and funnier as the evening goes on

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Jul
30th

Wed

i’ve accepted that i have a propensity for imagined ultra-violence

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Jul
29th

Tue

we believe this may have been a targeted burglary of a shark

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darling: we’ve lost our way

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Jul
28th

Mon

you now have the perfect strategy for visiting the toilet in the night and finding your way back to your bed in the dark

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i think it is the hot weather and the pimms to blame

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Jul
25th

Fri

in the battle to be crowned the overall best boat, the apple raft with cabbage leaf sail narrowly lost out to the chocolate tart filled with sweets

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