laurencetimms

#ff @wgallagher - severs taut elastic bands with his diamond-tipped pinkie #secretsuperpowers

#ff @nausea18 - can see great distances through the eyes of Nile Delta Bandicoot (extinct) #secretsuperpowers

#ff @bang2write - can shatter remote walnuts with her atomic explode-o-matic rifle #secretsuperpowers

Right, if anyone else wants an #ff with a #secretsuperpower they’re on offer today only. Get ‘em while they’re hot.

#ff @monkquixote - can make squirrels recite Chaucer until they starve #secretsuperpowers

Free Bruno screening. I’ve been screened for Brunos & got the all clear. You might not be so lucky. http://is.gd/4OOsL (ta @catherinebray)

RT @zerooneonezero: Helen Smith’s #0110 Diary Page: now online http://bit.ly/2iBExE

Ahhh. Girlfriend in a Coma on the radio. No matter how much of a dick Morrissey ever happens to be, I’ll always love The Smiths.

I must to the kitchen. A box of couscous with my name on it. Which, on the face of things, is an odd branding decision on Waitrose’ part.

Frustration. We can hear the fireworks but we can’t see them out of any window. Perhaps youths are setting them off on the roof.

RT @zerooneonezero Remember, remember the 5th of November. A bloodied hand from a burning ember. #0110

Frustration: round crackers and a square tub of hummous. Something’s got to give.

“Engine room? Switch Twitter mode to Sporadic Ego Boost.” “Aye aye, sir!”